The Summons

No, it’s not my new favorite movie.

No, it’s not the latest John Grisham book I’ve read.

This time folks, it’s the REAL DEAL.

I have come to dread jury summons over the years for some reason. I think I am petrified of being chosen as a juror for some monster case that never ends…which requires me to live in a hotel, not being able to see my friends and family, and stay awake for hours on end in an old smelly courtroom listening to people argue. (The staying awake issue is for another blog, another day) This fear most likely dates back to the OJ Simpson trials in the 90′s. For some reason, I still remember most of it pretty vividly. I remember rushing home from school to hear the latest updates from my parents. I remember kids lining up at the pay phone in the school cafeteria during 6th grade lunch, trying to get ahold of their parents, trying to find out what the ultimate verdict was. I remember Liz T. (yeah guys…I don’t forget any of you!) yelling out “not guilty!!!” and everyone dropping their jaws in shock.

Hold up. I know some of you are either thinking 1) what?? pay phone? what are those? is that like a cellular phone? OR 2) you were only in SIXTH grade when that ended??

Anyway.

I remember stories of jurors trying to find a way out of the trial. It was too much. It was too emotional. I remember that substitute jurors were assigned and had to sit through it as well. Bloody gloves, news cameras, “exhibit A’s”…THAT’s what I think of when I think of jury duty.

Clearly, this re-affirms any doubts you may have had about my over dramatic-ness. But I mean really…you never hear anyone say, “Awesome! I got a jury summons – yes!!! Can’t wait!”

The only positive thing to come out of this is that I get out of work and don’t have to take personal time. But I think I’d almost rather be at work instead.

So to make things worse, I decide to report for “duty” using the online system. This was given as an option instead of appearing in court on Monday, April 14th (the DAY after the MS150. Like I’m going to want to report anywhere, right?). It asked me simple questions about my name, address, sanity…

So then I start thinking…”how can I possibly get out of this??” The county courts must REALLY like the sound of my name (i.e. Mary = old fashioned name = strict moral values??) because this isn’t my first time to get called….nay, not my second either. This is my FOURTH time to be summoned and for once, I have no excuse to get out of it. Called 2 times in high school between October and May of my senior year (I had hit the golden age) and once in college. All 3 times I met the full-time student qualification. However, since I am not a full-time student, mom, felon, military or government official, or insane, Montgomery County wasted no time making their move.

Let’s back up a second. I had a mini-brainstorming session last night with Seth about how I could prove to be “not of sound mind”. I mean, what does one have to do? Run down the interstate naked? Lock themselves in a closet for days on end? Because whatever it is, I could probably do it. However, I was then criticized by said husband for not being a good American citizen and performing my civic duty. Whatever.

So to make a long story even longer, I am hereby due to present myself in court at 9am SHARP in Conroe on Monday morning. Yeah. Stupid online system actually chose me to be a juror. I didn’t even get to answer the questions like, “do you believe in the death penalty?” or “do you believe people are innocent until proven guilty?” where my answers could have possibly been my ticket to safety. Good news is, I can’t recall any celebrity murder cases in the Montgomery County area lately, so hopefully it won’t be as bad as I think…

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